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Time to talk with your Spouse

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Many of us have faced a loved one who gives us the silent treatment when things in the relationship get rocky. It is often difficult to get your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend to open up and say what’s on his or her mind.

Some of us are bad at putting their feelings and emotions into words, and others just don’t want to. This is upsetting for the friend or partner who might have no clue what’s wrong. Misunderstandings crop up and false assumptions lead to a relationship slowly dying out. Some basic steps can help to get your significant other to open up to you...

Communication is important

A lack of communication is often responsible for the fall of an otherwise good marriage or relationship. Busy schedules, or the option of confiding in office friends or family members, might make your partner unwilling to talk. Patience and affection are the key. Don’t thrust conversations upon them, but make a genuine, sympathetic effort to understand their point of view.

Exchange notes

Use notes if you can’t connect with them verbally. Everyday chores like packing a tiffin or getting tea are perfect opportunities to do that. Writing gives the other person time to think over the message, and avoid a hasty response. Also, you can rewrite the message if you don’t like what you have written the first time. You might find a more understanding person when you finally face your partner.

Find a good time to talk

Your partner might not always be in the mood to talk. They may have had a bad day at work, be really tired or preoccupied with family issues. Talk to them at a time when you know that they will be attentive to you. Otherwise, you may not get the response that you desire. Don’t get into a blame game that goes back to when you first met.

Show interest

Don’t go on talking only about yourself. Your partner has heard your side of the story before and needs help coming out with theirs. Being a martyr could result in either defensiveness or more silence from your partner. Instead, you could try asking about their day. If you show an interest in them, they too will begin to open up.

Be a little stern

If they still don’t show interest, then you may need to act a little firm. Turn off the television or the loud music that they have deliberately switched on. Try to figure out when they’re using family issues or work as an excuse not to talk. Make it clear that you want to be heard and that you deserve some of their time. Don’t get into a shouting match either, though. The idea is to be firm, not overbearing, or you’ll get right back to where you started from.

Show love and understanding

Finally, you should be patient with your partner. Affection and patience can give your partner what they most need to open up – emotional security. They know that you love and respect them, and will truly understand their point of view. The fear of being rebuffed, or perceived as silly, is what makes people afraid to discuss their closest relationships. Convince them that will not happen. Only then will they allow themselves to open up to you.

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