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Marriage Mantra For The Couple-To-Be

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Are you apprehending the nuptial bond as a dangling sword of Damocles?

The phobia of change, other person's idiosyncrasies, personal freedom, Hawaiian honeymoon, burgeoning budget, last minute faux pas... blah...shaadi ka ladoo is after all not that sweet! Well the real cost of a wedding is not just financial but physical and emotional too say experts and some city brides and bridegrooms to be.

Emotional Roller Coaster

"Adjustment is the biggest question. I think it bothers the girl more than the boy. There is a level of anxiety that starts building up the moment engagement is announced but it also makes one stoically responsible as the D-Day approaches," feels Siddharth who is tying the knot next week. "Both of us being professionals, time constraint is another botheration. As of now I don't have a social life because of my hectic schedule but this has to be dealt with once I am married," he voices his fear.

"Interestingly there is a life-stress questionnaire in our course which shows that not only divorce but getting married is equally stressful," explains Prof JM Jerath of Psychology. "It's adjustment that causes anxiety even in the cases of a love marriage as against arranged as the situation changes radically. A girl may anticipate more problems because of this but the boy is equally affected," he adds.

"I have often heard young people commenting that marriage is a gamble. This uncertainty about compatibility and other aspects like family set up and choice of career also determine the levels of stress. The liberal exposure to current visual media has led to multiple roles. But when it comes to marriage, orthodoxy is still accepted and there is an inbuilt crisis in the value structure," elaborates sociologist KC Kaistha.

Fear Factor

"I am jittery because my skin is breaking out. I have only couple of days to go," says a 23-year-old bride-to-be, undergoing treatment at a salon. "Insecurity is another reason," says psychiatrist BS Chavan. "Insecurity can be monetary, physical or even psychological. For example some people fear that the spouse may find out their weaknesses like alcoholism or some medical ailment," he adds.

"Apprehension of an extra-marital affair is on the increase these days. Most people who seek marriage counselling are gripped by this fear. The ‘friends' of both girl and the boy are perpetually doubted by the couple," puts psychologist Shashi Sethi.

All About Money Honey

"A dream marriage is an extravagant occasion and even after that there is buying things for home, evenings out or weekends away which seems a financial burden," shrugs Rishi, busy with his engagement arrangements.

"The more educated and exposed you are, the discontentment level is higher," says Sethi who adds, "Lifestyle pressure is enormous." Agrees Kaistha who adds, "Consumerism and unlimited demands that are often visible in dowry harassment cases also play a crucial role in defining relationships."

Granted, you are on an adrenalin rush leading up to the wedding, especially in the final weeks. There is joy and anxiety to turn the Bridal magazine look-alike fare into a dream come true fairy tale but as Alan Kay says, "The best way to predict the future is to invent it."

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