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Why it's So Difficult to Forget Your First Love













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 Remember a leading Hindi film actress once candidly admitting in an interview that it was impossible to ever forget one’s first love. This was over a decade back, and yet her words left a lasting impression on my mind. Much before satellite TV invaded our homes, Doordarshan had once aired a sweet telefilm with Smita Jayakar in the lead. She is a happily married middle-aged housewife who stumbles across her first love. She is taken aback by the powerful onslaught of emotions that almost derail her settled, comfortable routine. Tremulous, nervously excited, shy, eager, it was as if she was once again a young woman on her first date. Though she shared an excellent rapport with her husband, memories of her first love made nearly two decades of a harmonious, fulfilling marital relationship seem dull. The movie ended on a humorous note, with Smita realizing her first crush wasn’t so debonair anymore.
 
Psychologists have discovered that it is indeed very difficult to get over one’s first love and the reasons are more “chemical” than emotional. Psychiatrist Thomas Lewis, author of “A General Theory of Love” says in “Psychology Today”, “the adolescent brain is exposed to heightened levels of testosterone and progesterone, the steroid sex hormones involved in sexual intensity. There’s also an increase in oxytocin, the same hormone that aids mother-and-child bonding following birth.” Thus, as “Psychology Today” points out, it is “chemistry” that “sets the stage for a once-in-a-lifetime sexual intensity paired with a unique opportunity for attachment – creating a model of love that persists for life.”
Getting over any love affair is a painful process that requires time for healing and time to forget. But trying to start afresh after your first romantic tryst is the most difficult. “Hopeless26” bares her heart on ehealthforum.com:
“I'm not sure what I should do. I'm not sure if what I feel is normal. If there is anyone out there that can assure me that they feel the same, I would really appreciate it. I still have overwhelming feelings for my first love, (with) whom I had an on and off relationship with for a few years. This was when I was sixteen, and now I'm twenty-six. I am engaged to a man I have been with since the last time I saw this first love. I see him from time to time, but it's only in passing, and only for a few minutes a few times a year. And each time it leaves me in tears for days. I think about him all the time, hope to see him when I'm out (we live in the same town), and have dreams about him 2-5 times a week. His memory is haunting me. I love it, because it's the only time I get to be with him, but I hate it, because I can't move past it. It is to the point where I'm considering not marrying my fiancé, hoping this man (will) get a divorce from his own wife, and we (can) get married. I know that must sound absolutely psycho, but it's a feeling I have in my gut. It's the way he looks at me when he sees me. I feel like we both feel the same, but neither one is brave enough to say or do anything. Am I completely crazy? Or should I be going by my gut instinct? Please, be brutally honest. I need to know if it is normal to still have this strong of feelings over someone I haven't really known in eight years.”
 
A sympathetic fellow blogger on the forum replies with some very sensible advice, which could form the thumb rule for anyone paralyzed by feelings for one’s first love. The blogger says” You have feelings over someone you haven’t known in eight years. So you are not really imagining that person as they are now, you are holding on to the image of them as they were then. And eight years can change someone an awful lot, especially if those eight years were the transition from teenager to adult. You will have also changed an awful lot, perhaps without even realising it.” Continued..........Why it's so Difficult to Forget Your First Love - Part-2












































 
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