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Single and Unavailable but for Mr Right

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He might marry a girl who looks ‘‘good enough’’, but don’t expect it from her. Women, unlike men, won’t say ‘I do’ till they get their Mr Right... or will go single.
Martians have called for a truce but Venutians refuse to give up that easily when it comes to the biggest battle of ’em all – marriage . According to a recent survey by a UK-based magazine, women are much more choosy when looking for their mate. Nothing but Mr Right will do for them while men are ready to settle for any girl who is ‘‘ good enough’’ . Finally women have made the ultimate gender statement – they are happy to be demanding!

Girl power

The girls have it all clear in their mind – his height, looks, career and hobbies. And they happily accept that they have ‘‘ sky-high’’ expectations. For model and budding actress Deepika Padukone, the devil is in the details. ‘‘ Finally, women have realised that marriage is not the be all and end all of life. It’s a priority but not a necessity. So, aren’t women justified in having high expectations?’’ The question may give sleepless nights to ‘eligible ’ men but women are okay with this new-found status. ‘‘I can’t get married to just about anybody. It’s a lifetime commitment, after all,’’ exclaims 39-year-old Aabha Nanda, VP, HR at a BPO.

No’s the word

While being independent and having the right to choose your own mate is old hat, women now know that they have the right to say no. ‘‘I am 30, and happy to be single. I have already said no to a dozen guys because I just could not connect with them. I have to spend my whole life with this person... I should be able to hold a conversation with him for at least 15 minutes during the first meeting,’’ is how Shweta Khanna, a graphic designer, sums it up.

In other words, women who have earned the right to pick and choose at the workplace want the same on the marriage front too. ‘‘With increasing economic independence and decreasing emotional dependence on men, the modern woman is equipped to take her own stand in life,” remarks actor Kanchi Kaul aka Ananya of a popular show on TV.

Respect me, do

No emo boys or momma’s pets for them, they would rather marry a man who would give a hand in the kitchen, knows his own mind and can respect a woman’s achievements – even if they are better than his own. As Nanda puts it, ‘‘I have worked very hard towards building my career and I want to marry a man who can understand that.’’ And if that doesn’t happen ... three cheers to singledom. ‘‘Then I’d stay single rather than plunge into an unhappy marriage,’’ is Nanda’s take. And the spiralling divorce rates have a role to play here. ‘‘I know of five colleagues who are stuck in unhappy marriages and one who is happily divorced. And this, for me, is hardly a choice. I am happy with dating and looking for the right guy than trying to live with a guy who wants to know where I went, whom I spoke to... ugh!’’ says Pooja Khattar, a BPO exec.

It’s not romance

And before their choices are blamed on reading too many romantic novels, listen to this. ‘‘I don’t think women any longer base marriage on romance alone. I think commitment is what women value more than anything else in a marriage,’’ says Ritu Brara, a sociologist. And the girls just illustrate this by explaining what they are looking for in their life partner. Padukone wants her man to be a good human being before anything else. Compatibility at every level is followed by financial independence on her list of qualities in Mr Right. “He might not necessarily be the son of a rich tycoon but I want him to be self sufficient,” shares she. As for Kaul, the family of the man matters a great deal. Jaggi looks for intelligence and good looks. But Nanda wants sensitivity and a great sense of humour. “I can’t cook for the life of me. I want him to understand that,” laughs she.

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